[The Teen Book Scene Blog Tour] Clean by Amy Reed Character Interview: Olivia

I'm one of the stops in the Clean tour organized by Teen Book Scene. Today I have Olivia in the blog, to answer some questions about herself.







I know you must hate doing this but can you tell us something about yourself?
There’s not a lot to say really. I’m the unremarkable one in a family full of geniuses. I work harder than everyone else, I practically kill myself trying to be perfect, but it’s never enough. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it.

Did you ever consider anyone as your friend in rehab? No? Who's the closest one you think you would be able to talk to?
Definitely not at first. I’m not good at being close to people. Plus I was really scared, and I guess I kind of took my fear out on everyone else by being a bitch. It’s not like I want to be alone, but I always end up pushing people away. But I think I’m starting to change. I’ve been able to let people in a little, especially Kelly. Maybe it’s because she was my roommate and the most persistent, or maybe because we’re the most alike in a lot of ways--we’ve lived our whole lives trying to be someone we’re not.

Did doing what Shirley wanted you to do help a bit? Didn't it even feel nice, even for a bit, to just let it all out?
As much as I acted like I hated Shirley, I think deep down I was always grateful for her attention. She could be a little rough around the edges, but I always knew she cared, and that’s more than I could say for the other adults in my life. She was hard on me because she actually gave a shit (excuse my language--it’s hard not to swear when everyone around you is). I was so tense for so much of my life, I was carrying so much pain, it really felt good to finally let go and let other people hold it for a little while.

Do you like the Olivia you see now?
I’m definitely getting there. I think I’m finally starting to get to know who I really am and what I want, not what everyone else wants me to be.

Did you ever wish you weren't who you were? Or someone entirely different?
My whole life, I’ve wished I was someone else. I hated myself. I couldn’t stand being in my own skin. I think that’s a lot of the reason why I became an addict--to escape myself. Only now am I starting to figure out what it feels like to actually be OK with who I am.

If you had another chance to go back to a certain time in your life and change it for the better, would you?
I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my life trying to be someone I’m not.

Is there anything you want to say to those who are reading this interview?
I hope you don’t have to go through what I went through. I hope you can follow your heart and be who you really are, not who you think people want you to be.